| A
very vivid memory for me is one of my mom being concerned that I was
not graceful enough. Of course I believed her. I was not
graceful? Full of grace? Was I empty of grace? Or
just not full enough of grace? After all, I was graceful enough
to have never broken a bone! I did not feel an empty spot where
grace was supposed to be, the place that was full in the other girls,
and not in me. But it worried my mom. For many years of my childhood, Mom had me taking dance lessons, so I would “be more graceful.” I don’t think it filled up that spot where grace was lacking in me, but I loved it. But never being graceful enough led to my belief that I was not enough —
And the list goes on, though I will not bore you with it… While thinking about grace for this writing, it occurs to me that a graceful thing for me to do would be to realize that I am enough. That way of thinking would end the ungraceful struggle within myself to “be enough”, a struggle that surely shows itself on the outside also. I know that I will never be the cute, small, demure girl in the pink satin costume at the dance recital held every summer in the park on the temporary stage at the annual Farmers’ Day Picnic. I am not graceful enough. But did they ever ask who is happy enough, who practices enough, who “ball chains” well enough to be in sync with the music? I was enough of all those things. We are all enough in different ways. I think it is “grace” to see ourselves as enough, the world as enough, our abilities as enough, others as enough, our goods as enough. Seeing all things as enough is a graceful way to be. That is the graceful that I desire, not the gracefulness of the tap dancer in the pink satin. |
|
||
 |