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Gracious gifts of understanding came to me from two friends I
trusted...friends, who, in the moments they spoke to me became “truth
tellers”. There is telling and there is listening. I listened to my friends and for a change I listened with my heart. I was pretty sure my head could not fix the hurting because my head had been trying to make me better for some time and had only led me on the path of despair. Heart-listening helped me hear truth instead of criticism, which had always been my way of hearing. One person (the head nurse friend) said to me, “Your problem is you have no boundaries.” The other person (the tuba player) said, “You are going to have to learn the difference between your stuff and other people’s stuff.” These two comments came to me about a month apart. They were generic and basic words. They came at a time when I was lost in self pity and feeling very bad about myself. I was wallowing in it, thinking I had done something wrong and deserved the loss I had suffered. I was also trying to fix it. Both friends had no idea at the time they spoke them that their words would be life changing for me. They marvel when I thank them again and again for their gracious gifts. These gracious words coming to me in tandem like that lifted me up to where I could see a new path. I began to see that boundaries were not what one hides behind...the role I had always superficially assigned to them...but instead boundaries are tools for discerning truth - my truth, not someone else’s truth. |
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